I make my own stand, weather you agree on not, but I respect you right to disagree and not your right to impose that disagreement on me.
I refuse to accept this assign role – in the name of culture or a good Sudanese woman. In fact, I would make a terrible candidate for it; I lack both the qualification and most importantly, the will to accomplish its fundamental assumptions. Indeed, I plan to make no one a good wife- I just hope to be a good person. One who does not think that I have to bend over backward and forget the risk of breaking my own back.
I accept that I am this woman. I refuse to struggle with it anymore. To struggle with the idea that good Sudanese women ‘shut up’ when told. That they do not speak up for what they believe in and fight for their right to live a dignified life. I refuse to relinquish my mind, to willingly be blind and to pretend to be stupid so that I can simply be ‘celebrated’ whilst I suffer in silence- tormented by the truth- if even that truth be my own. For what worth is it, to be part of a world or a culture that do not accept the ‘truth’ of your existence, except to the degree of your degradation.
Call me a Kawaja, or a victim of mental colonization, go a head, that what you normally run to. The argument, that this is not our culture; that it is foreign invention invading out culture purely. But what then is Sudanese culture? Why should I refuse one master and accept another? When you tell me that Women rights are not Sudanese culture, what then is Sudanese culture? Is it, by default or outright acknowledgement, ‘wrong against ‘women? Is beating wives, and sister, and nieces to death? Is force marriage, underage marriage, rape among other? If those right and provision articulated, to prevent discrimination – some time fatale discrimination against women, are not parts of Sudanese culture? What is really left to be part of Sudanese culture? Should I even ask?
If that was to be true? If Sudanese culture does not recognize women as having rights? Then ask yourself; who in the world, if told, we will beat you, you will have no say in you life, you can be kill for making decision that are not consisted with our want and interest? Tell me, who in this world, if told that, will not reject it? Will not refuse it, rebuke it and fight for something better for themself? Does it take a Kawaja to understand that? Isn’t the pain of that reality too true to be ignored? Biologically when threatened, we fight or, flight became an option? It does not take a genius to figure that out. I need neither be Kawaja nor any other, to understand the condition of my existence- they are self evident.
So, what are you saying, when you say this is not our culture? Are you saying that we lack the intellectual capacity to see these wrongs and to create solution for them?
If what it take to be Sudanese or to be a good Sudanese woman, is to stand silent whilst I suffer – I refuse to be Sudanese
If what it means to be Sudanese is to relinquish my mind, in order to accept illogical conclusion reach by culture biases, then I refuse to be Sudanese
In fact, I accept all that I will be tag; all that I have been tag. For freedom…indeed freedom is what you are willing to give up your life for …let alone a reputation.
Nyadol William Nyuon.